Elizabeth's Blog
Find Calm in the Worry
Woman in nature by @marcospradobr for Unsplash
This blog post was originally written for my newsletter.
Midlife is a wonderful time for reflection. We’ve made it here. We’re looking back at where we came from and ahead to what’s next.
And for highly sensitive women in midlife, you’re particularly attuned to your inner life and emotional experiences. But instead of feeling freeing, midlife can be overwhelming if you’re feeling unfulfilled, out of alignment, or just burned out.
As I began my midlife journey, I wanted to feel more aligned and comfortable with myself. I knew something needed to change but each step I took never felt like enough.
I had spent my life focusing on other’s needs at the expense of my own. And I’d built a life of putting my feelings to the side—or burying them—so I didn’t even know what was missing. I just knew something was.
Maybe you’ve been there. Taking art classes, yoga classes, starting new exercise routines, trying a new religion, a new church, taking self-enrichment classes and courses, accumulating and reading self-help books.
I’ve been there.
I was really good at seeing all of my weaknesses. And as I reminded myself again and again about my deficiencies, I felt the hurt deeply within me.
But I know now that I’m not broken. And I want you to know, you’re not the problem. You. Are. Not. Broken.
If the people in your life didn’t understand and support your highly sensitive traits, you learned early on to keep your needs to a minimum. Or you kept them out of sight.
But when we put our needs aside because we’re told we’re “too much,” we continue to get overwhelmed, stressed, and feel like we’re the problem.
Ironically, I’ve learned the that my search for alignment didn’t have to go any further than myself. The thing that was missing in all of this was me. A healthy, loving, caring relationship with myself.
You’ll begin to make choices that align with your energy and values
You’ll create space and time for reflecting and recharging
You’ll trust your intuition. And it will become your best ally
If you’re longing to feel more aligned and you’d like a space to process and reflect on where you’re stuck, and ways to move towards fulfillment I’d love to support you.
Elizabeth Cush (LCPC) is a licensed clinical professional counselor, a women’s life coach, and business owner in Annapolis, MD where she hosts Awaken Your Wise Woman a podcast for women who want to live more fully and authentically. She loves helping women reconnect with themselves so that they can live with more purpose. Her coaching work is focused on self-compassion practices, healthy boundaries and making the care of Self a priority. She’s worked in the mental health field for over 15 years, is a certified clinical trauma professional and she incorporates mindfulness and meditation into her psychotherapy and coaching work.
Painting with water colors
Guest Post by: Reina Lombardi
Have you ever felt so tired that you couldn’t wait to get in bed only for your brain to fire up as soon as your head hit the pillow? Had your thoughts swirling around one after another about every interaction that occurred that day? What didn’t get done, what could have been done better, what needs to be done tomorrow, the calls you forgot to make, and so on and so forth. This is just one example of how anxiety has presented itself within my life. The consequence of which is often crippling fatigue due to lack of sleep and a negative impact on my level of alertness and ability to function during the day.
One of the tools that I have always turned to for life’s stressors is artmaking and journaling. I don’t consider myself to be particularly skillful at either; rather, I approach them as an opportunity to express and release the energy bound within. Practicing letting go of judgement about the outcome of creative practices is an exercise in self-compassion. It is one that helps us to find value in the process of creating rather than from the end product. It forces one to learn to let go of judging and attributing value based upon one’s ability to produce something “good”.
Mindfulness activities emphasize focusing all of our sensory awareness to what we are experiencing in the present moment without judgement – we simply observe. We can do anything mindfully. Try doing a task you don’t care for while bringing full attention to all of your senses as you are doing it. This can alter our perception of the task itself. It can also help us shift from a feeling of dread to one of tolerance and maybe even appreciation. When we engage in activities mindfully and immerse ourselves in the present moment, we are unable to review incidents from the past or those we are concerned about getting right in future. It is the construction of meaning about the past and possible outcomes of the future where anxious thinking resides. The act of creation can be a wonderful tool for developing mindfulness.
Self-compassion is the act of nurturing and caring for oneself when they feel distressed, disappointed or in pain. It has been positively linked in multiple studies as an effective strategy for anxiety reduction. [i] Mindfulness, even when brief techniques are taught, has also been effective towards reducing anxiety. [ii] We can practice both mindfulness and self-compassion when we create art. This can become a place for rehearsing these skills in order to generalize them in other areas of our lives. In addition, structured art-making itself has been found to lower levels of the stress hormone Cortisol after just 45 minutes of creating.[iii]
1. Paint to Music. I start by finding some relaxing music. I prefer to find music sung in languages with which I am not fluent or without lyrics at all for this exercise. Meditation music is excellent for this process. I don’t want my thinking brain to get activated by the lyrics. I set out a palette of watercolor paints, heavy weight cold-pressed paper, several brushes, a cup of water and paper towels for blotting. Then I turn on the music and paint to the music. I allow the music to guide me in the selection of colors and the brush. I make marks according to the tempo and sounds of the music. As I described earlier, I do my best to focus all of my sensory awareness on the experience of doing. I find watercolor to be the best paint medium for this process, but you could also try gouache or acrylic to determine which media works best for you.
2. Sensory-focused expressive journaling. In order to maximize getting myself into a relaxed state I begin by imagining or remembering a place and time where I felt extremely centered and relaxed. For me, this is inevitably somewhere in nature. I then begin to write in as much detail describing every sensory experience associated with the image in my mind. What colors are around me? What smells? What sounds? What does the temperature feel like? What was the weather – windy, hot and humid, snowing? I spend as long as it takes to capture every detail of being in the relaxed state.
Our brains don’t discriminate between real and perceived stimuli. This is why our nervous system becomes activated when we watch a scary movie. In this exercise we are capitalizing on this process to immerse ourselves in a relaxing picture. This results in our nervous system responding as if we really were laying out on the warm windy salty shoreline of a Caribbean Island against a backdrop of crystal clear aquamarine waves, listening to the squawks of the birds, the rustling of the palms blowing in the wind and the soft crunch of steps in the white sand from people strolling by.
3. Mandala drawings. Draw or trace a circle on a piece of paper. Freely create on the paper using line, shape and color. It is okay to create within the circle or outside the circle. Sometimes, I enjoy creating symmetrical patterns. Other times, I utilize words of affirmation within the circle. Other occasions, I might draw a realistic image within the circle. I just allow my hand to begin and see what flows. There are no rules.
The origin of the mandala is from the ancient Hindu language Sanskrit and means “circle.” Mandalas are common imagery throughout human history and prevalent in multiple spiritual and religious traditions. The circle represents the completion of a cycle or a state of being whole. In nature it is a basic foundation of geometry and can found everywhere – sun, moon, earth, eggs, atoms, cells, etc… The circle is considered to be a sacred form. Creating within the circle can feel centering and offer a means of connecting within.
References
[i] Egan, S.J., Rees, C.S., Delalande, J. et al. A Review of Self-Compassion as an Active Ingredient in the Prevention and Treatment of Anxiety and Depression in Young People. Adm Policy Ment Health 49, 385–403 (2022). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10488-021-01170-2
[ii] Call, D., Miron, L., & Orcutt, H. (2014). Effectiveness of brief mindfulness techniques in reducing symptoms of anxiety and stress. Mindfulness, 5(6), 658-668.
[iii] Kaimal, G., Ray, K., & Muniz, J. (2016). Reduction of cortisol levels and participants' responses following art making. Art therapy, 33(2), 74-80.
Reina Lombardi, ATR-BC, ATCS, LMHC-QS is the owner of Florida Art Therapy Services, LLC in Fort Myers Florida, and the host of the Creative Psychotherapist Podcast.
Elizabeth Cush (LCPC) is a licensed clinical professional counselor, a women’s life coach, and business owner in Annapolis, MD where she hosts Awaken Your Wise Woman a podcast for women who want to live more fully and authentically. She loves helping women reconnect with themselves so that they can live with more purpose. Her coaching work is focused on self-compassion practices, healthy boundaries and making the care of Self a priority. She’s worked in the mental health field for over 15 years, is a certified clinical trauma professional and she incorporates mindfulness and meditation into her psychotherapy and coaching work.
Now is the season for feeling thankful and grateful, but maybe we should be practicing gratitude every day.
The post “Giving thanks can make you happier” on Harvard Medical School’s Harvard Health Publishing website, notes that, ““In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.”
That’s pretty strong evidence for taking time to be grateful—but how do we do that? And can it help us in other ways?
Start a Gratitude Journal. Take some time in your day to journal something you’re grateful for. It doesn’t matter when you do it, but try to schedule that time or mentally reserve it for journaling. If journaling isn’t your thing, use the time to think about what you’re grateful for each day.
Keep it Simple. Being grateful for small things is as effective as making bigger gestures of gratitude. When I walk, I like to remind myself to pick a few things to be grateful for, like the sun on my face or seeing a squirrel scamper up a tree.
Get creative. Artwork, singing, writing, and dance or movement can be fun ways to express gratitude.
Share Your Gratitude. The research also shows that when we share what we’re grateful for with others, the positive effects of the practice increase. So, from time to time, share what you’re grateful for with your kids, a partner, friends, family, coworkers, or even a stranger.
Notice the Sensations that Arise. Take a moment and feel in your body and mind what happens when you allow yourself to feel—inside— the joy, awe or appreciation each day. When I take a moment to pause and let the grateful feelings seep in, I feel a warmth in my chest. I can even get choked up when I allow that feeling fully into my heart.
It might feel forced at first, but when you continue to focus on gratitude each day, you’ll start to notice feeling grateful at random times, too.
I find that gratitude and mindfulness practices can complement each other. When I’m mindful of my surroundings I’m also feeling grateful for the things I’m noticing, like the sound of the wind in the tress, or the feeling of my dog’s soft ears, or the way the sun makes shadows on the walls in my home.
You can bring gratitude into your life in a way that fits you and your lifestyle, so that it becomes a natural part of how you move through the world.
If you think someone would benefit from a gratitude practice, please share this with them! Together, we can make the world a little more positive, resilient and connected.
Image from @abdullam at Unsplash.com
Elizabeth Cush (LCPC) is a licensed clinical professional counselor, a women’s life coach, and business owner in Annapolis, MD where she hosts Awaken Your Wise Woman a podcast for women who want to live more fully and authentically. She loves helping women reconnect with themselves so that they can live with more purpose. Her coaching work is focused on self-compassion practices, healthy boundaries and making the care of Self a priority. She’s worked in the mental health field for over 15 years, is a certified clinical trauma professional and she incorporates mindfulness and meditation into her psychotherapy and coaching work.
So far, 2021 is feeling a lot like 2020. The new year can’t suddenly change what’s happening. I’m feeling all kinds of things about the assault on Capitol Hill by our fellow country people, about the virus’s seemingly unchecked spread throughout the world, and about the rising death tolls.
My feelings of relief and hope around the inauguration and our new President, Joe Biden, and Vice President, Kamala Harris, have filled me up in a way I wasn’t expecting. Hearing the President honor all the lives lost to COVID-19 and encouraging us to work to unify the country brought me to tears.
Although we still face a lot of uncertainty, even with a new president in charge, and so much is still beyond our control, we do have choices.
When we live in the worry of what was or what might be, we lose touch with where we are right now. Even though things feel out of control or worrisome, a lot of lovely things are happening in this moment. And we miss them when the worry consumes us. So, what can we do to feel more grounded and present in our lives?
Last week on the podcast I shared some mindfulness practices to help us feel more present and grounded. I’ve shared a few of these in my newsletter, and if you don’t already get it, you can sign up here, and please forward this blog to someone who might need a little help to bring more mindfulness into their lives.
When we’re being mindful, we’re bringing our full attention to our sensory experience, to our five senses. You can choose to focus on one—what you see, smell, taste, touch, or hear—or you can focus on a combination of senses. We call the thing you’re focused on your anchor.
Because you’re human, your attention can easily get pulled away to your thoughts and worries. When it does shift away from your focus, because it will, gently, kindly bring it back to the “anchor” you’ve chosen.
Below are a few mindful exercises you can do whenever you have a few minutes. The more you practice mindfulness, the easier it is to pull back from the worry and stress about things you can’t control and be with what is.
On a side note, mindfulness isn’t about seeing the world or our lives through rose-colored glasses. It’s about learning to be with whatever our present-moment experience is.
I hope these mindfulness exercises or practices will help you move more mindfully into the springtime.
Mindful journaling can be great way to process feelings and be creative at the same time.
Set aside some time for journaling each day. I prefer right before I go to bed but it can be any time that works for you.
Take a moment before you begin writing and check in with how you’re feeling. Are you relaxed and at ease? Are you feeling stressed or anxious? Are there worries and thoughts going round and round in your head?
Write down what you’re feeling, and what that feeling looks like in your body. Give yourself the freedom to write and draw whatever comes to mind.
Can you allow the feeling to be there, without trying to change it?
When you sense that you’ve captured the feelings, thank yourself for taking the time to notice all that showed up for you today.
I’ve shared some prompts for managing anxiety at Upfinch.com. When you sign up, use the code WORRIERS at checkout for 15 percent off the life of your subscription.
On a warm sunny day, step outside and stand in the grass or on the ground. If it’s warm enough, take off your shoes and socks.
Close your eyes, or gaze softly in front of you. Bring your attention to the bottoms of your feet and where they make contact with the ground beneath you.
Imagine your feet are firmly rooted into the earth below, like a tree. Feel the energy of the earth rising up through your body.
Take a few slow, deep breaths, keeping your focus on your feet.
Stand like this for as long as it’s comfortable. When you’re ready, slowly move your body, open your eyes and refocus your gaze.
If at any time throughout your day you’re feeling stressed, notice your feet on the ground and the feeling of being rooted to the earth.
Pause what you're doing and take a moment to notice where you are. Name all the different colors that you can see. You can name them aloud or silently to yourself.
One of my favorite ways to meditate and be mindful is by tuning in to the sounds around me. As you sit quietly, try to hear as many different sounds as possible. There might be people talking nearby, dogs barking, the wind blowing the tress, birds chirping….
Close your eyes and let the sounds come and go without focusing on any one of them. When your attention gets pulled in one direction, gently bring yourself back to all the sounds washing over you. You can set a timer for three to five minutes or do it for as long as you like.
When the time is up, open your eyes, take a deep breath and go on with your day.
Sometimes it’s hard to get motivated to walk when it’s cold and gray, but walking in the winter can be a sensory-filled experience that can warm your heart.
Bundle up and take yourself to a park or nature preserve or take a walk in your neighborhood.
Before you begin your walk, pause and take a deep breath. Feel your feet on the ground. Rock back on your heels and then up to your toes if this feels comfortable.
Remind yourself that while you’re walking, you’re going to tune into your sensory experience.
Take some time with each of your five senses. First notice the smell of the earth, leaves, the air. How many different odors do you smell?
Then look around and bring an awareness to all the colors and shapes you can see as you’re walking.
Notice where your feet make contact with the earth and the clothes on your skin. Do you feel cold or warm? Which parts of you feel warm or cold? Notice your body moving and your breath as you inhale and exhale.
Now notice all the different sounds that come and go. Do you hear the wind? Maybe you hear birds chirping or ducks and geese flying past. Maybe you hear small animals scurrying through the underbrush.
If you have water with you, take a sip and notice the taste and how it feels in your mouth.
Allow all of your senses to come alive as you walk.
Mindfulness has helped me to feel more present with all of my feelings and experiences. For example, being fully present for those moments when I come downstairs from my office and Elvis (my dog) greets me as if I’ve been gone for days brings me so much joy. I’m able to soak up his love and let the worries be. It helps me be reminded that even in the struggle there can be ease and connection.
If you’d like more tips for being mindful in everyday life, you can sign-up for the newsletter and get my meditation and mindfulness guides for FREE!
I’m excited about this collaboration and happy to share that Upfinch is sponsoring the Woman Worriers podcast for the month of January. When you subscribe to the Upfinch platform, the first month is free, and they’re offering Woman Worriers podcast listeners and newsletter subscribers a 15-percent discount off their monthly subscription when you enter the coupon code “WORRIERS” at check-out!
>> You can find the guides here.
>> And sign up for your 15% discount here.
The journals are private and never accessed by humans or software.
Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger, creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety contact me!
Do you journal? Journaling is the practice of writing down whatever is in your head. You can journal daily, weekly, or whenever you feel the urge. A journal can be a place to offload and explore your worries and stress. A place to navigate your inner landscape, a place to record your daily activities, your artwork, special events…You can make your journaling practice as unique as you are. I often recommend the practice to my clients as a way to relieve stress, but some have told me that it can be hard to know what to write. It doesn’t have to be that way.
I’ve had an off-and-on relationship with journaling. At times in my life I journaled every day; other times it was more sporadic or not at all. Recently, I came across a bunch of my old journals in a box in my basement. Some of them date back to middle school! That was more than 40 years ago.
There’s something comforting about knowing that my experiences are logged into notebooks that I can go back to anytime. And research shows that journaling improves our mental and physical well-being and our cognitive abilities.
I’ve come back to my journal this year. I was doing it occasionally, and when the pandemic struck, I took up nightly journaling to process my stress and anxieties before going to bed. I’ve enjoyed coming back to the daily ritual, and it calms my mind before sleep during these unsettling times.
These days you can find apps and online platforms that make journaling easier than ever.
A few weeks ago, the founder of the online journaling platform Upfinch contacted me. They were interested in collaborating, and we set up a phone call to talk about the possibilities. They shared their mission with me, and I was impressed:
If we don’t take time to consciously reflect on our lives, it will never occur. Instead of floating to the next temporary island of comfort, we should be clearly defining what we want and how to get there.
Their journaling prompts get you thinking about yourself and your goals, and they offer prompts to increase positive mental health. Within each category, their templates give you the space to describe your thoughts, stresses and worries. The prompts at Upfinch help you explore and gain a better understanding of yourself. They then take it a step further and prompt you to explore the ideas that can help you move forward.
The founders of Upfinch asked me to collaborate on the templates for anxious feelings and thoughts, and I’m honored to have my suggestions included on their platform!
I’m excited about this collaboration and happy to share that Upfinch is sponsoring the Woman Worriers podcast for the month of January. When you subscribe to the Upfinch platform, the first month is free, and they’re offering Woman Worriers podcast listeners and newsletter subscribers a 15-percent discount off their monthly subscription when you enter the coupon code “WORRIERS” at check-out!
>> You can find the guides here.
>> And sign up for your 15% discount here.
The journals are private and never accessed by humans or software.
People have shared with me that not knowing what to journal about stops them from starting. What stops you from journaling? Maybe 2021 is the year to get started or try a new way to do it.
Through journaling, let’s enter the New Year with new insights and more positive intentions!
Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger, creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety contact me!
We humans tend to see and remember the negative more than the positive. Researchers call it “negative bias.” We recall more bad memories than good ones. When we worry about the future or past, it’s the negative stuff that comes to mind.
Our negative bias is perfectly normal if you consider how it came about. Our ancestors needed to survive living in the wild, so their brains were always scanning the environment for danger. If they hadn’t, they would have been be eaten by a lion or tiger, so it was useful to be looking for all the possible bad stuff. But we no longer have wild animals stalking us, so our brains find other things—everyday things—to see as dangerous.
Our worries are usually about things we can’t control: Not getting enough “Likes” on social media,” not being invited to the neighbor’s holiday party, or what others think about our clothes, or haircut, or how we behaved.
But worrying about the bad all the time can color how we see and experience what’s happening right now, too. If we’re stuck in negative thinking, we might not notice an opportunity to get a hug, or the array of colors when the sun sets, or the breeze on our face, or the smell or the earth after a rainstorm, or the warmth of our home after we’ve been outside in the cold.
The amazing thing is we can intentionally bring in the positives of everyday life. Doing so can shift our mood. We can go from being depressed or grumpy to feeling hopeful or upbeat. The more we focus on what’s good and joyful, the more our overall outlook on life begins to shift.
Now, I’m no Pollyanna. I know that things are particularly hard right now with COVID still running rampant and the dark cold days of winter upon us, and with social justice struggles continuing throughout the world, I also know there are still good things that we can shift our attention to when while still acknowledging the negative things that are going on.
The key to this practice is practice! Because we’re so hardwired to gravitate towards possible negative outcomes and memories, we need to consciously bring in the positive, notice the joy and remember good results and experiences.
Notice the worrying. Each time you find yourself focusing on your worries, take a moment to pause. You can say to yourself, “I was stuck in the bad and now I’m going to notice something good.” Then bring your attention to small accomplishments you’ve had that day, or good memories. The idea is to come up with at least one positive thing.
Bring in more joy. Take time in your day to notice what inspires you or brings a sense of joy and awe. For me, a beautiful sunset or sunrise, the warmth of the sun shining on the water, or the unconditional love that my dog Elvis has for me, all can leave me feeling awed by the earth’s beauty and the depth of emotion I feel.
Practice gratitude. What are you thankful or grateful for? Each day it can be something new. Maybe you’re grateful to have a job, or to have gotten out of bed even though you’re tired, or that your mom or a friend called unexpectedly, and it cheered you up.
The idea is to make practicing gratitude a part of your day. Journaling can help make it a more intentional experience. Sharing the things you’re grateful for with others has an even bigger impact on you and them.
Smile. Some meditations encourage you smile with your eye or smile like the Buddha. They suggest it because just the act of smiling makes us feel joyful and happier. So the next time you’re feeling a bit down, try smiling, even if you don’t feel like it.
Appreciate your body. We are so hard on ourselves about our weight or fitness. Bodies naturally come in all shapes and sizes. They carry and support us throughout our days, 365 days each year, for years and years. That’s pretty amazing! So, take a moment to thank your body for being an amazing organism that does so many things naturally, without your even needing to think about it.
Enjoy!
The stress of the holidays and the cold dark days of winter can make it easy to get stuck in a negative thinking loop. I hope these tips will help you find the joy and splendor of the holidays, of the season and in your life.
Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger, creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety contact me!
The holidays are coming! Here in the United States, Thanksgiving is right around the corner and all the other winter celebrations are soon to follow. I’ve come to love the holiday season because it means spending time with family, eating good food and enjoying social gatherings—but it wasn’t always that way.
I can remember as a child having HUGE expectations for what I felt the holiday “should be.” Most of the time life didn’t meet my expectations. Things were usually pretty good, but I wanted things to be perfect. In my fantasy, I’d get all the gifts I asked for, my siblings wouldn’t tease me, we’d bake pies and cookies and no one would get yelled at or get in trouble. We’d be the perfect family celebrating the perfect Christmas. As you might expect, I was often left feeling disappointed.
Perfectionism and having high expectations are a couple of ways we try to manage our anxiety about things we can’t control. We tell ourselves that if nothing goes wrong, then we won’t feel bad, things won’t be uncomfortable, nothing will derail the holiday spirit.
The unspoken expectations are especially hard for us and our relationships. We want others to know what we need, but we might not know how to ask. Then, when our expectations aren’t acknowledged or met, we feel hurt, unseen, underappreciated…. But how can others meet our expectations if they know nothing about them?
If we hope that the people in our lives who care about us will be able to intuit—just know—what we need, we’re giving them a lot of credit for mind reading or picking up on subtle or passive clues. Most people aren’t that attuned or gifted!
I’ve found that for holidays and celebrations to feel enjoyable and less stressful, it’s up to me to know what I want and need, and to share that with others. I’m working to be in the moment so I can experience what’s happening right now (managing my expectations) and asking for help when I need it (asking for what I need).
Take some time to listen to You. What expectations do you have? What are your hopes?
Ask yourself in the moment, are my expectations realistic? Am I sharing my expectations with others?
When you’re feeling resentful, underappreciated, frustrated or unseen, ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” Maybe you need help setting the table, or shopping for your partner’s mother’s gift. Who can you ask for help?
When you’re tired, overwhelmed or stressed, ask yourself, “What can I give to Me right now?” Maybe it’s rest, or a drink of water or hot tea. Maybe it’s pausing and taking a deep breath. Maybe you need a hug. Can you find a way to give yourself what you need in this moment?
Take some time to savor the good. Can you see colorful leaves on the trees or ground? Or snow sparkling in the sunlight? Did your child or pet snuggle up next to you just as when you were about to go do more—and did that allow you to pause and connect for a moment? Or maybe you noticed you were tired and went to bed early instead of scrolling social media. Try to be present with that good feeling for a few minutes.
You may feel holiday stress, because the holidays are stressful and we’re all carrying a lot more additional stress coming into the holidays this year. Still, when we manage our expectations and we voice our needs to ourselves and others, we can reduce the stress and enjoy the moments that are happening all the time, right now.
If you’ve listened to the Woman Worriers podcast, or read some of my blogs, you know that I credit my mindfulness and meditation practice for helping me manage my anxiety, stress and feelings of overwhelm.
Before I started meditating, I was sure I’d never be able to clear my mind of worry and thoughts. Although I’d heard others talk about the benefits of meditation, I was skeptical that it would do anything for me.
I wasn’t sure I could sit quietly for very long. And then to try to clear my mind of any thoughts or worries? Forget it! But I’ve learned there’s so much more to a mindful meditation practice.
Meditation and mindfulness are not a magic pills that take the anxiety away; rather they’re practices that help you become more aware of your anxious feelings. Meditation and mindfulness can help you get to know your inner self—your more genuine self—with more clarity, and they can bring more ease into your daily life.
As I read more and listened to mindfulness and meditation teachers’ presentations, I got curious. A therapist I was seeing at the time loaned me the book Wherever You Go, There You Are by John Kabat-Zinn, and I was intrigued. I began exploring other resources and talking to more people about how I could get started.
My regular practice began when I purchased Self-compassion Step by Step by Kristen Neff and Meditation and Psychotherapy by Tara Brach, from Sounds True. These CDs of educational talks include meditations that you can follow along with during the teachings.
With those purchases I also received a free CD of guided meditations. It was a sample of seven or eight meditations with different teachers. I copied the CD into my iTunes and used it regularly.
By listening to the CDs, I learned that mindful meditation isn’t about clearing your mind of worries and thoughts, it’s about being aware of where your mind goes—all the time. It’s normal for our mind to wander, and we can learn how to bring our attention and focus back to an anchor, like our breath or sounds or a mantra. I like to think of it this way: Each time I bring my mind back from wherever it went, I’m teaching my brain what it feels like to live in the present moment, instead of being stuck in the worry and stress.
The courses I purchased through Sounds True taught me how to use meditation in sessions with clients because they taught me how tolerate my own difficult feelings by using self-compassion practices. I can say wholeheartedly that the work of Tara Brach and Kristen Neff have impacted my client’s lives just as their teachings have changed my relationship with myself in very meaningful ways.
At the beginning of my journey with mindfulness, I moved in and out of meditation, sometimes practicing regularly, and at other times not practicing at all. When you’re learning on your own, without a group, it can be hard. It’s so easy to get caught up in something else.
Although I don’t use the free meditations that I got from Sounds True anymore, I do practice regularly. And I notice it when I don’t. I feel as if something is missing, and y body yearns to get back to the practice. I’ve taken some amazing courses, joined meditation groups, interviewed meditation teachers and bought lots of books to help me sustain the work.
I was honored to talk with Tami Simon, the founder of Sounds True, on the Woman Worriers podcast. We explored what inspired her to create the platform, how her journey has helped her to find a sense of belonging in the world and the universe, and how she sees the company moving forward.
I respect and value the resources that Sounds True offers and decided recently to team up with them, so the Woman Worriers podcast is now an affiliate partner. If you use my link, a portion of the proceeds from anything you purchase will go to fund the podcast.
I love podcasting and it takes time, energy and money to continue to do it well, and to offer you a meaningful experience, with good sound and careful editing. With support from other resources, like Sounds True and Audible, I can continue to do the work I love and share it with the world!
Here’s the link to use to check out what Sounds True has to offer and to support the Woman Worriers podcast: https://www.soundstrue.com/store/#ecush
Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger, creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety contact me!
This is a post about racism and learning to be anti-racist. Specifically, it’s about me, a white woman who’s trying to unlearn and call attention to all the subtle racism that is so deeply embedded in me and in our culture.
I’m writing this because I’m a mother, a business owner and a therapist who knows what it’s like to be caught up in the worry. I’m a white woman who’s been caught up in the worries about not knowing what to say, saying the wrong thing, and feeling the shame and guilt of not saying anything when I see racism in my life, in my community, my country and in the world.
I’m learning to ground myself in our collective humanness, my desire to have all voices heard and the goal that everyone should be valued for who they are and not what they look like, not by their gender, how they worship, or who they love. I want to make my voice heard, to speak up and advocate for anti-racism and change even though it feels hard, and I might not always get it right. I know it's important to keep trying and that my not always perfect voice matters.
I was raised by liberal white parents in the city of Philadelphia, attended a Quaker high school and I’d describe myself as a liberal, anti-racist, white woman. I haven’t been loud about my beliefs, but I’ve mostly felt comfortable where I was, until I wasn’t comfortable anymore.
With the most recent deaths of black women and men, particularly Breonna Taylor and George Floyd, and the protests and demonstrations that have risen up around the world, I was reminded of the protests in Baltimore in 2015. That April, Freddie Gray died in police custody after being handcuffed and recklessly driven around the city in the back of a police van.
My son is a journalist and he was assigned the job of reporting on those protests for his New York City employer. I was terrified of him being in the middle of the violence. I worried he would be hurt because he was a white man out on the streets in the midst of Black protesters.
More recent conversations with my anti-racism teacher about my fear and worry for his safety— because of the color of his skin— made me reflect about what it would be like to send my sons out into the world—EVERY DAY– with that same level of fear. I realized what it felt like to fear that they would be harassed, bullied, demeaned, and physically hurt because of the color of their skin. It was one thing to spend a few days worried about my son, but I recognized how awful it would be to live with that fear, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year…and knowing that the police, who were supposed to protect me and my children, might also be a threat to our safety.
As I said at the beginning, I’m a liberal white woman and, for a long time, that sense that I’m an open-minded person felt like enough. It was comfortable. I knew what I believed and stood for, and it felt like that was enough.
Because of the anti-racist education I’ve been doing over the last few years, I’ve experienced a growing awareness that the “comfortable place” is no longer very comfortable. I realize that staying in that comfortable place means that I’m choosing to live with the comfort that my white privilege affords me and therefore I’m ignoring the suffering that White privilege causes Black people and all people of color.
I now recognize that by staying comfortable and quiet I'm perpetuating the systems that keep racism in place. And I’m very uncomfortable with that. I want and feel compelled to do more and I know it will feel uncomfortable. It’s time to trust my voice, my intuition, my inner warrior, myself.
But, before I felt ready and able to trust my inner voice and my inner warrior, I sought help. I reached out to Black women for guidance, and I was gently told that I needed to do my own work first and foremost.
It took me some time to realize my mistake. I was asking a Black woman to educate me, for free, so that I could be a better white person. Because of my internalized racism, I didn’t recognize that what I did was racist. I expected they would want to help me be a better white person, and didn’t consider the harm of my request. Our history is rooted in white people’s expectation that Black people should provide white people services for free, with little regard for their needs.
I was perpetuating Black trauma without even realizing my mistake. I wanted to “do” anti-racism right and was already being told that I was already doing it wrong, and that felt terrible.
That’s the thing about internalized racism. It’s so deeply ingrained in us—all white people—that we don’t see it unless we're looking closely at our unconscious biases, those things we assume or believe about others without even realizing it—i.e.large groups of Black people aren’t safe for white people or that Black people are responsible for helping us eliminate racism.
And, it’s not our fault as individuals. White people are not “bad people” because we have deeply ingrained racist beliefs. We were raised and live in a country that was built on a white patriarchal paradigm. The ways of the system become our ways - until we decide to make change.
After I realized my mistake, I did my own research, bought books, read, followed and shared posts from women of color on social media. I searched for articles and read news on racism in America. I attended events at art museums that featured minority artists and then paid for a course and mentoring offered by a woman of color.
Don’t ask Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC) to tell you how to be less racist. If you want guidance, pay a person of color who specializes in anti-racism work to mentor and support you.
Find ways to ground yourself. Get calm and make space to notice and feel your feelings before talking. Identify your values, the things that matter most to you, and use them as a guide for where to put your energy.
Listen, and explore—with compassion—your own biases and internalized racism
Listen and process when a person of color points out your racist or white-centered words, actions or assumptions.
Be willing to apologize when you get it wrong.
If needed, process your feelings with another white person who is doing the same work or a Black mentor who is being compensated for their work.
Expose yourself to and purchase art, music, and literature created by POC.
Go to restaurants, church services, or other events where you’re the minority.
Buy from and support businesses owned by POC.
Financially support causes that are working to dismantle the racist underpinnings of our country.
Join community social change groups.
I’m still learning and practicing how to address racism when I see and hear it in the moment.
The journey and my work continues. I’m figuring out how to move out of the worry that ensnares white women trying to “do better” and instead be an anti-racism warrior. It’s not about being a “white savior” or doing the work to get accolades and say “look at me, see what a good white person I am.” As an anti-racism warrior, I’m seeking to be someone who is grounded, vulnerable, honest, imperfect and willing to apologize when I get it wrong. To know that I’ll make some mistakes and I’ll continue to speak up.
If you’re a white person who’d like to start your own journey here are some great books to get you started:
White Awake by Daniel Hill
So You Want to Talk About Racism by Ijeoma Oluo
My Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies by Resmaa Menakem
White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo
Uprooting Racism: How White People Can work for Racial Justice by Paul Kivel
Stamped From the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America by Ibram X. Kendi
Me and White Supremacy by Layla F Saad
And even when you start doing the inner work, you’ll make mistakes, missteps, stay quiet when you want to speak up, say the wrong thing, and probably feel really uncomfortable at least some of the time. In spite of that — and because of all that — it’s important to keep at it, to stay grounded in the process, and give voice to your inner warrior who longs to speak up for justice and equality.
Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger, creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety contact me!
If you’ve read my blogs and listened to my podcast, you know that I encourage practicing self-compassion, especially if you’ve got an inner critic that shows up to make sure you’re aware of all your faults and possible missteps.
I love self-compassion work so much that last week I shared some practical self-compassion exercises in my guest blog—Using Self-Compassion to Reduce Anxiety—for Sharon Martin’s Happily Imperfect blog on Psych Central.
I learned about Kristin Neff’s work on self-compassion when I was just starting out as a therapist. I remember having lunch with my supervisor and she mentioned self-compassion and Dr. Neff’s work. I’d just bought a CD with her self-compassion training and was excited to better understand how to bring meditation and mindful awareness into my life, with compassion.
Since then, I joined 50 other people for a week-long training workshop with Kristen Neff and Chris Germer, diving deeper into the practice.
The work has changed my life, and that’s not an exaggeration. I know myself better, I have a better relationship with my inner critic, and I’ve learned to be kinder to myself and others.
That’s the hidden gem in the self-compassion practice. The practice helps us feel more connected to ourselves and all other living beings. When we open ourselves up to the concept that we all struggle at times—because we’re human—we learn to offer kindness instead of judgment to ourselves and to others who are struggling.
The practice has helped me feel more in tune with myself. It has allowed me to build a kind, loving relationship with me. And I’ve learned to trust myself in ways I never did before. I also feel more connected to the people in my life and more empathetic and accepting of others.
Sharing the Wisdom of Self-Compasion
Because the practice has helped me feel less anxious and more comfortable in knowing myself, I’m creating a program with self-compassion at its core to help women build a more loving and open relationship with themselves. I’ll keep you up to date and share some of what the program will offer as I’m building it, so keep an eye on this space!
If you enjoyed this blog post and would like more insights into living with anxiety, tune into the Woman Worriers podcast. In each weekly 30-minute episode, host Elizabeth Cush, LCPC, and her guests explore living with anxiety, relationships, parenting, surviving trauma and other topics and offer insights into mindfulness, meditation and other helpful resources.
Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger, creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety contact me!
I experience anxiety, I’m an introvert and I recognized later in life that I’m also a highly sensitive person (HSP), so it’s not surprising that I usually spend a good amount of time alone. With the current physical distancing and stay-at-home restrictions here in my home state of Maryland, the pace of my days is a little slower and I’m spending even more time at home.
I’m not a big fan of exercising in a gym with a lot of other sweaty people. Stadium music events stress me out, and shopping at a crowded mall or store isn’t my idea of fun. So, although this time of enforced quarantine is really hard, being at home is not a problem for me.
Make no mistake—I miss traveling, seeing my kids, my family and my friends and being able to go out without worrying about the virus. But I recognize that some time spent alone is actually good for my emotional state.
Unfortunately, I’m not spending more time at home by choice. Although I’m not dying to go to the gym, I’d like to be able to go to a store without worrying about coming home contaminated. That feeling of powerlessness can add an underlying level of stress to my life.
I’ve taken up journaling each night before bed. Lately I’ve noticed a low level of anxiety that’s with me at the end of each day. It’s as if my body is saying, “There’s another day/week/weekend ahead where you have to be alert and careful. Stay on guard.”
It’s not surprising that some nights that I feel like I dream all night long and others where I toss and turn or wake up in the middle of the night. Fortunately I sleep soundly some nights, but I’m always tired when I wake, so I know my body is holding on to stress all the time.
If you can relate to my experience, or even if you’re feeling pretty good, you can incorporate a few things into your life to help you better manage the constant underlying stress of living in a time of crisis.
Be kind to yourself. I’ve seen people posting on social media that this as a period of increased creativity and productivity—but if you’re not feeling productive or creative right now, know that you’re not alone. Stress and anxiety make it very hard to find the mental energy and mindset for anything other than survival. So, be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that you are where you are, and that you’re doing the best that you can right now.
Be kind to yourself 2.0. You might also find that you’re falling back into old roles, habits or behaviors you thought you’d changed or modified. Know that it’s not unusual for this to happen. We can easily revert back to old ways of coping with our stress because those old ways of being and doing worked in the past to help us feels better.
I’ve been comfort eating—consuming more carbs than usual—and it is comforting! You might be drinking, using other substances or eating more or less than usual. Or maybe you’re on your phone or other screen more than you’d like to be, or ignoring your kids, or playing more video games than usual to help you relax. Try being kind to yourself in this time, no matter what. We’re in a state of crisis, and adding harsh self-criticism to the mix will only make you feel worse.
Get some fresh air. Being inside might feel safer or less scary, but your body craves nature to help it balance and reset. Find a place where you can feel the ground under your feet, wiggle your toes and stand barefoot if possible, so you can really feel connected to the earth. Imagine you are rooted to the ground, like a tree. Take a few slow deep breaths and notice the air as it enters and leaves your body. Allow yourself to be here for a few minutes before moving on to whatever is next.
Set aside five minutes each day to journal. Taking pen to paper can calm your nervous system without you having to do anything else other than write or draw. Here are a few prompts to get you started:
What’s happening in my body right now? Get curious and use words or images to describe how your body feels right now.
What did I do today? It doesn’t have to be profound. Write as much or as little detail as you like.
How am I feeling right now? Tired? Anxious? Relaxed? Write how you’re feeling and try not to judge a feeling as “good” or “bad.” If you find you’re judging your feelings, journal a reminder that everyone has all the feelings all the time.
Let it flow. Write about whatever comes to mind.
Make note of three things you’re grateful for that day. They can be big things or small ones, like seeing the sun shining through the window. Research shows that gratitude practices can reduce depression and anxious feelings.
Laugh out loud. Watch a TV show, YouTube video or Instagram post that gets you laughing out loud. Laughter relieves the stress response, massages your internal organs and can stimulate your circulation and relax your muscles. So get those laughter juices flowing!
We will move through this. Taking care of yourself while we do is good for your body and mind.
Are you doing some fun, outside the box, creative things to de-stress? I’d love to hear about them and include them in a podcast episode!
If you enjoyed this blog post and would like more insights into living with anxiety, tune into the Woman Worriers podcast. In each weekly 30-minute episode, host Elizabeth Cush, LCPC, and her guests explore living with anxiety, relationships, parenting, surviving trauma and other topics and offer insights into mindfulness, meditation and other helpful resources.
Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger, creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress, contact me!
Many therapists in the United States and probably across the globe have switched to some or all virtual sessions. It all shifted so quickly that I’m amazed the Internet didn’t collapse! Between everyone streaming movies, shows, games, and exercise classes, I’ve been pleasantly surprised at how well my online sessions with clients have gone and how well my clients adapted to this new medium.
I’ve been doing online therapy, or teletherapy, with a few clients for about a year, so I’m familiar with the platform. A lot of free training is available to help therapists get online and feel more comfortable, but I haven’t seen much to help our clients feel more at ease with this “new normal.”
I experienced the discomfort first-hand as I got ready to meet my therapist online for the first time this week. I’ve been advocating for the switch with my clients, but when it was my turn, I found I wasn’t as enthusiastic at all! Some of the thoughts that went through my head were:
“Maybe I don’t need a session this week.”
“It can’t possibly be as meaningful as in person.”
“I wish I’d just cancelled my session.”
I like going to my therapist’s office, and I was a little frustrated that I had to do this “new thing at home.” We talked and I laughed about my own discomfort as we met through our screens. Guess what? My session went really well! I got so much out of the session.
Experiencing virtual therapy myself gave me a lot of perspective and I felt so much compassion for my clients who have to do this “new thing.”
So, I thought it might be helpful to share some things that might help you if you’re going through a something similar, or if you’re considering therapy for the first time and your sessions will be online.
1. You’re probably going to feel a little nervous about seeing your therapist online if you’ve never done it that way before. Your therapist will probably be nervous, too, especially if it’s new for them too.
Meeting a therapist in a new space in a new way feels different, and that can make us feels uncomfortable and anxious. That’s totally normal! Talking to your therapist about your feelings can help you feel comfortable as you get more familiar this new platform.
2. If possible, find a place in your home where you feel at ease and have a comfy place to sit. As a therapist, I go to great lengths to make my office feel like a sanctuary. A place you come to and say, “Ahhhh…”
We will talk about difficult issues in session and we want you to feel supported even in your discomfort. So, do your best to find a place where you can relax when meeting virtually with your therapist.
3. Privacy is very important. When you go to your therapist’s office, there’s good chance you’ve come across a white noise machine. That’s because we want our conversation in the therapy room to be private. Now, you don’t necessarily need a white noise machine, but you do want to find a place in your home where you can talk freely.
If you have to monitor your voice level or are worried about someone listening to your conversation, address this with your therapist. Maybe you can find an alternative solution, like calling or meeting virtually in your car, or another private place.
Using headphones or earbuds can help, too. That way, you are the only one hearing your therapist’s voice.
4. There will be glitches! Technology is rarely seamless. Screens will freeze, voices will sound disjointed of clipped, or you might not be able to connect at all online. Those issues can be very frustrating. The amazing thing is that, most of the time, it works really well. So, try not to get too discouraged if a video session isn’t perfect.
I’ve opted to call clients by phone when the online technology is working against us. Your therapist might not be able to provide this option if your insurance won’t allow phone calls, but your therapist might be able to suggest other options.
5. If you’ve always met your therapist in their office, know that we are in this new space together. You will get used to it. The discomfort will fade, and therapy will continue to be a source of support, learning, comfort, acceptance and growth.
As we move forward in this new world where entire countries can be affected by health concerns, I’m grateful for the virtual spaces where we can feel connected to our families, friends, colleagues and our therapists!
If you enjoyed this blog post and would like more insights into living with anxiety, tune into the Woman Worriers podcast. In each weekly 30-minute episode, host Elizabeth Cush, LCPC, and her guests explore living with anxiety, relationships, parenting, surviving trauma and other topics and offer insights into mindfulness, meditation and other helpful resources.
Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger, creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress, contact me!
The coronavirus, or COVID-19, is all over the news. Everywhere, we see evidence of people’s fears about the virus. Hand sanitizer is hard to find. Organizers are cancelling conferences and events. When I traveled to the west coast last weekend, I saw many people at the airport wearing masks over their nose and mouth.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the reported cases have ranged from mild symptoms to severe illness and, in some instances, death. Symptoms may appear from two days to two weeks after a person is exposed to the virus. Symptoms include fever, cough and shortness of breath.
COVID-19 is a lot like the flu except it’s a new virus—one that got transmitted from animals to humans—and we don’t have a vaccine yet. So that is a little frightening.
But, it’s hard to know how concerned we should be. Some news reports leave me worried and scared, and some leave me reassured and wondering why we’re all in a panic.
The hardest part of getting sick is that we have very little control over whether we get sick. Our lack of control can make the worry, stress and anxiety much worse. So, how do we manage our stress when we can’t control an outcome?
There’s no tool that can take the COVID-19 worries away. The virus is out there. But you can do a few things to help you feel more grounded and present, and hopefully reduce your stress in the moment.
The CDC recommends washing your hands as one of the best means of prevention—much better than wearing a mask. On the other hand, if you’re sick, wear a mask and keep your germs to yourself.
And you can make washing your hands a mindful moment. Experts recommend that you should wash your hands for at least 20 seconds to rid them of germs. As you’re counting down the time, listen to the water as is flows out of the faucet, smell the soap’s fragrance, watch it lather and notice the feeling of the lather in your hands. As you rinse your hands, watch the lather flow down the drain. When your minds goes to worries or stress about the coronavirus, bring your attention back to the sensations of washing your hands.
The CDC also recommends keeping your hands away your face. Let me tell you, this is really hard. I’ve caught myself picking something out of my teeth with my finger (I know, TMI) and rubbing my eyes without any thought to all to the germs that might be on my hands. Try not to judge yourself too harshly if you forget, too. We’re human and we have a lot of habits that aren’t easy to break.
A lot of information is flying around out there, so managing your information intake is important. I try not to check the news about the virus more than once a day, but someone or something can bring me news even when I’m not looking for it.
If you do hear disturbing facts or updates about the virus, remind yourself that there are some things that you can’t control and that you’re doing the best you can to control the things that are within your power to control.
A few deep breaths can calm your nervous system and boost your immune system. A few times a day—especially if you feel stressed—take three slow, deep breaths. Fill your lungs, back and belly when you inhale. As you exhale, let your breath out slowly, making a sighing noise—haaaaaahh.
From news reports, most hospitals and doctors’ offices want you to stay home if you’re sick, UNLESS you’re having difficulty breathing and/or your fever is very high.
If you do get sick, don’t panic. Most people who get the virus don’t die. Take care of yourself and do all the things you’d do if you got the flu. Drink a lot of fluids. Keep your fever down and get lots of rest so your body can heal.
If you have a compromised immune system or existing lung issues and you think you have COVID-19, communicate with your doctor so you can get the help you need.
If you enjoyed this blog post and would like more insights into living with anxiety, tune into the Woman Worriers podcast. In each weekly 30-minute episode, host Elizabeth Cush, LCPC, and her guests explore living with anxiety, relationships, parenting, surviving trauma and other topics and offer insights into mindfulness, meditation and other helpful resources.
Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger, creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress, contact me!
We work so hard to get things done, to check them off our list(s), to be productive that we forget to notice what it’s like to live our life.
We make “doing” a priority.
Then the universe shows up and says, “What if doing isn’t enough? Wouldn’t you like to be in your life instead of do your life?”
“You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through your veins. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.”
About 15 years ago, I got stopped in my tracks. I’d been so busy taking care of others: the kids, the animals, the house, schoolwork, the chores…. Suddenly I realized I was missing something. I felt disconnected, untethered.
I was so out of touch with what I needed and wanted that I would freeze when given a choice like “pizza or Chinese?”
That’s when I started on my journey with a mindfulness and meditation practice. It wasn’t easy. I wasn’t used to sitting quietly or taking notice of my sensory experience. I can remember telling my meditation coach, “I find that I tune out. I daydream, get lost in thought. I don’t think I’m meditating right.”
I worried that I might never get it “right.”
What it’s taken me some time to recognize is that it’s the noticing—when we’re drawn away to our thoughts, feelings, daydreams— that’s what matters. When we’re noticing and coming back to our breath and our body’s sensory experience, we’re practicing mindfulness.
The continued practice has helped me gain new insight into Me. It’s helped me feel more love and connection to all of me. All. Of. Me. The shadow and the light, the imperfections and the gifts. All of me.
It’s also helped me to feel more connected to everyone around me. My kids, my husband, my family, my dog, my clients, people I encounter in daily life…Because I feel a deeper connection inside me, it shines through on the outside.
Imagine if we could all show up and be seen.
I’m on a quest to make that happen! Come join me and women like us in the Women’s Mindfulness Circles that are starting next month!
Here’s what others have said about the Mindfulness Circles:
“Spending time with other women in a supportive, healthy environment, I realized how little I have that.”
“A chance to meet with other [women] who are experiencing similar challenges and be accountable to the group for trying new habits and practices.”
“[I enjoyed] sharing and talking about our experiences.”
What to know more? You can find it here.
If you enjoyed this blog post and would like more insights into living with anxiety, tune into the Woman Worriers podcast. In each weekly 30-minute episode, host Elizabeth Cush, LCPC, and her guests explore living with anxiety, relationships, parenting, surviving trauma and other topics and offer insights into mindfulness, meditation and other helpful resources.
Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger, creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress, contact me!
Some changes are coming to Progression Counseling and the Woman Worriers podcast! Don’t worry. They’re nothing huge—but they are changes.
Why is change so hard for us humans? You’d think we’d be biologically wired for change. After all, back in the day we’d need to be ready for whatever came our way: cold weather, lions, drought… But today we’re so resistant to making changes ourselves or when changes are made for us.
I think our worrying minds go into overdrive when we contemplate change. We think up all the possible bad things that might happen and then flesh out those stories so that they feel real, as if they actually happened.
Change can be uncomfortable. When we think about doing things differently, it can make us feel physically uncomfortable. That’s because unexpected changes can activate our fight/flight response. When our brain and body feel under attack from a perceived threat, our digestive system slows down and our heart rate increases as our body gets ready to fight or flee.
We don’t always like change, but it happens and we can’t change that! Most of the time, change isn’t something we can control. That’s the way life is. What we can change is our reaction to change. We can learn to tolerate the uncomfortableness that often accompanies change.
We can tune in and notice our body’s reactions to change by using mindfulness and meditation. Meditation trains us to notice the discomfort and stay with it. And although that might sound terrible, the feelings usually diminish. As they become less intense, we begin to feel less stressed.
Mindfulness helps us notice the thoughts, perceptions and interpretations that accompany our feelings about change. We can then get curious and look for other ways to interpret what’s happening. This helps to open us up to new possibilities and new ways of responding.
You learn from a neighbor that the store you love is changing management. You know the manager now, and go there because they carry all the things you love. But now you’re wondering about this new manager and what they might do to change things. Your body responds as if something really bad is about to happen.
You’re feeling upset or mad, so you decide to sit with that feeling for a moment. You take a few minutes to slowly breathe into the uncomfortable feelings that rise up in your body. You take a moment to honor whatever you’re feeling, without judgment. After a few minutes, you might notice that you’re feeling calmer.
You decide to get curious about your thoughts and perceptions about the change. You notice that you’re telling yourself that it will terrible for you, and you wonder, “What if it isn’t terrible?” You continue to get curious and imagine that the new manager might bring in some new stuff that you like, and maybe the new manager is just as nice as the old one.
You recognize that you can ask questions and find out more about the changes and then decide how you want to respond.
Using mindfulness and meditation to tolerate uncomfortable feelings around change takes practice and lots of self-compassion. If you’d like some help getting started, you can sign-up for free meditation and mindfulness guides available from my updated website.
The changes I’m making will definitely NOT be life threatening. I’m streamlining my website and redoing my logos for both Progression Counseling and Woman Worriers. I’m also offering a new Worried Women’s guides for meditating and mindfulness that you can request for free!
I’ll be shifting the content of the bi-weekly blogs a bit, too. My plan is to have one longer blog each month on things that make me/us worry and how we can support each other and ourselves in this worrying time. Towards the end of the month, I’ll send out an update with all the podcast episodes that month and links for you to find out more.
I’m refining the podcast focus as well. I’m still working on how it will shift, but my plan is to be more intentional about the podcast mission and guests who support that mission. It had begun to feel scattershot—who the guests were, why I was interviewing them. I want to be clear about my reasons for inviting someone on the show and to communicate that to you, the audience.
This is a worrying world, and all female-identified people have plenty to worry about! So, we’ll be talking to warrior women who have learned to work with the worry, instead of running from it and to warrior women (and sometimes men) who are supporting and empowering worried women in their journeys. I’ll be sharing warrior women’s worries, whatever they might be.
If you think you’d be a good guest on the podcast, or you know someone, you can contact me here.
Remember: You always have a choice about my emails and I’d love for you to stick around to see what’s new!
If you enjoyed this blog post and would like more insights into living with anxiety, tune into the Woman Worriers podcast. In each weekly 30-minute episode, host Elizabeth Cush, LCPC, and her guests explore living with anxiety, relationships, parenting, surviving trauma and other topics and offer insights into mindfulness, meditation and other helpful resources.
Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger, creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress call me 410-339-1979.
The beginning of each new year feels like it brings pressure to do something big, to make changes, to be different. Vision boards, resolution lists, intention setting, manifesting… We have so many options to create change. I’m sure there are more.
For the last few years I’ve made a list of new-year intentions. I wrote down things I’d like more of in my life. Last year I also participated in a Best Year Ever class, where I mapped out what I wanted to accomplish over the course of the year. That was very helpful, but I found I tried to do all the things I’d mapped out right away! Then I forgot to go back and see what was left on the list as the year progressed.
In the past, because I’m a business owner, my goals tend to sway towards work rather than personal goals. I ended up feeling overwhelmed by all the things I added to my to-do list. Although my business is very important to me, I’ve recognized this past year that my personal goals get put aside or remain undone because I minimize their importance when I’m deciding how to spend my time and energy.
“Perhaps the biggest tragedy of our lives is that freedom is possible, yet we can pass our years trapped in the same old patterns...We may want to love other people without holding back, to feel authentic, to breathe in the beauty around us, to dance and sing. Yet each day we listen to inner voices that keep our life small.”
When we put more emphasis on work, or other people’s needs and we don’t honor what we need it can lead to burn-out and us feeling frustrated, exhausted, angry and resentful. Not the best way to spend the first year of a new decade!
When you’ve lived much of your life putting other’s needs first—and that can happen at work as well as at home— it can be hard to do things differently. It definitely takes a bit more effort and a lot of positive self-talk, self-compassion and self-awareness to be mindful of and meet our own needs.
Making yourself a priority can feel selfish, mean, and very uncomfortable, but it’s important. If we’re not paying attention and attending to our needs, who else is going to do it?
It’s also easy to fall back into our old behaviors when we’re stressed. They’re called patterns for a reason! We’ve been taking care of everyone else’s needs for a long time. Change takes time.
I’d love to dedicate this year to the Self, and I hope you’ll join me. Taking care of You and making You a priority doesn’t have to be a grand gesture or enormous shift. It’s small steps, like checking in with yourself a few times a day and asking, “What do I need right now?” The answer might surprise you.
Here are some other ideas to help you move into the new year with compassion and love for yourself:
·Make time to meditate each day.
Two to three minutes of mindful meditation every day can help you get to know yourself and your body in a deeper way.
Be in nature.
Connecting with the natural world helps us feel more grounded and calm. When you’re in a more grounded place it’s easier to tune into You.
Offer yourself the compassion and kindness you would give to friends.
We can change our relationship with ourselves if we can find some space for kindness.
No matter how you mark the new year, I hope you’ll take some time for you in 2020!
If you enjoyed this blog post and would like more insights into living with anxiety, tune into the Woman Worriers podcast. In each weekly 30-minute episode, host Elizabeth Cush, LCPC, and her guests explore living with anxiety, relationships, parenting, surviving trauma and other topics and offer insights into mindfulness, meditation and other helpful resources.
Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger, creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress call me 410-339-1979.
Whether you’re celebrating a holiday or not, this time of year can feel really stressful. You usually see signs of Christmas everywhere you go. The music, the ads, the decorations can all feel like a little too much—or maybe a lot too much!
You might not be feeling much of the holiday spirit. This time of year can bring up painful memories and feelings of loss, loneliness and sorrow. If the holidays are difficult for you, know that you’re not alone. Although it might feel like the whole world is having a great time and you’re the only one not filled with holiday joy, know that others are struggling, too.
“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.”
Mindfulness can help you get out of your head where the planning and scheduling, the sadness, the worry, and the distress all live. Mindfulness creates more space and awareness for what’s going on right here, right now. I wrote the blog post Staying Mindful Through the Holidays a couple of years ago because I know how hard it can be when the holidays feel overwhelming.
If the holidays are hard for you, or even if you absolutely love them, take some time to feel whatever it is you’re feeling without judgment. Take some time to be kind and compassionate with yourself.
My wish is that, over the next couple of weeks, you can also find some time to relax, take care of yourself, enjoy the people you love, and find small (and big) moments of gratitude and joy. Here’s another link to the post:
https://www.progressioncounseling.com/blog/staying-mindful-through-the-holidays
My recent podcast episode, How to be Mindful this Holiday Season offers even more tips.
If you enjoyed this blog post and would like more insights into living with anxiety, tune into the Woman Worriers podcast. In each weekly 30-minute episode, host Elizabeth Cush, LCPC, and her guests explore living with anxiety, relationships, parenting, surviving trauma and other topics and offer insights into mindfulness, meditation and other helpful resources.
Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger, creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress call me 410-339-1979.
Tired of anxiety and stress ruling your life? Are you ready to live with more ease and purpose? Start with your free Worried Woman’s Guide to Meditation here.
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