Have you ever felt like you didn’t belong or that you didn’t fit in? It’s not a great feeling.
As a highly sensitive woman you’re primed for connection—deep connection—and when it’s lacking, or the people surrounding you aren’t wired the same way, you might feel like you’re the “problem.”
But is that really true? Are we—highly sensitive women—the problem? How can we be when we’re born this way? Something in the universal genetic sequences created our sensitivities and continues to create more sensitive beings. I know that’s not a mistake.
For me, part of “the problem” was because I didn’t have enough other sensitive people in my life who could appreciate me as I am. And who reflected back a back a positive role model for living life as a highly sensitive being.
When you must mold yourself to try to fit into environments or friendships that aren’t supportive, you’re left feeling like an outsider.
How many workplaces, events, trainings, parties, groups, relationships have you engaged in that left you feeling drained, overwhelmed, and blaming yourself for not being like everyone else?
I remember times where the environmental stimuli were so intense all I could do was find a quiet spot to sit and observe. And while that was what I needed, it reinforced the feeling of being an outsider, a failure, weird. Because I was overwhelmed, and I wasn’t able to make small talk and assert myself more.
There were also the trainings I took that covered so much material so quickly. The presenter would be talking fast and moving through the material before I had a chance to process the information. As far as I could tell, everyone else was fine and not completely overwhelmed.
Those experiences left me wondering what was wrong with me because I got so overwhelmed I just wanted to cry.
What I didn’t realize at the time was that I wasn’t made for those situations. That being highly sensitive meant that too much noise, bright lights, loud music, too much information coming at me, and making small talk left me drained. And they didn’t affect the others in the same way.
I didn’t know that I needed more time to process than the average person. That I needed space to ask questions and get clarity. That I needed quiet and calm atmospheres to maintain my energy.
And while initially my sensitive traits felt like a burden I had to carry, I’ve learned that when I find the people, and places, and energies that meet my sensitive needs, I love my sensitive self!
I’m so grateful I’ve found the people who get me and help me feel good about myself and my gifts.
This is the power of an aligned community. You feel seen and honored for who you are.
While the world is not filled with highly sensitive people, there are those souls who appreciate you even when they’re not highly sensitive.
And although transitions are difficult for us highly sensitive beings, when you begin to recognize the importance of honoring your needs, you might need to move on or away from people and experiences that feel taxing. Where you’re working hard to fit in instead of showing up fully.
Leaving people and places behind is very hard. Because you feel the loss deeply. And if you’re a people pleaser like me, you don’t want to hurt other people or make them angry.
But, as you step more fully into yourself, honoring your needs, you create space to welcome in the experiences that do align with you. And the people who appreciate you for being sensitive, they feel your energy and are drawn in. And as that space within you grows and develops, more and more of the right fit people find you.
Take a moment to be with that.
If you’re unsure how to discern the people and places that are truly aligned, here’s a somatic exercise to help you feel into what aligns with you:
Part One- Feeling Misalignment
Close your eyes. Bring to mind any relationships or experiences that left you feeling stressed, depleted, overwhelmed, unseen.
Where do you feel it in your body? Maybe there’s tension or constriction. Maybe an ache or pain. Maybe there are tears.
Can you be with those feelings and physical sensations for a moment?
If it feels comfortable, place a hand on your body where you notice the sensations. Or place a hand on your heart for comfort.
Be open to listen for any words or bring awareness to any images that arise.
Can you hold them with curiosity, compassion, and kindness?
When you’re ready, take a deep breath and if it feels right give yourself a little hug. Open your eyes and bring yourself back to your space. Notice the colors and shapes you see as you look around the room.
Part Two: Feeling True Alignment
When you’re ready, bring to mind relationships or experiences where you felt seen, honored, and appreciated for being authentically you.
If that’s a challenge, imagine being with a beloved pet, a spirit guide, or in a place where you feel at ease.
What sensations do you notice in your body? Maybe it’s a warmth, or a tingling feeling. Maybe you feel peacefulness and ease. Maybe you notice a smile on your face.
If it feels okay, place one or both of your hands on your heart.
What images, or words, or feelings arise? Allow them to wash over you.
If a critical or analyzing part steps in, try being curious about that. Maybe it’s hard to trust these feelings.
Try staying with your physical sensations for a moment or two longer.
When you’re ready, take a deep breath, open your eyes and come back to your space. Look around you and notice any colors or shapes. Light or darkness. Be with your environment for a moment.
Reflection
How did you experience those two guided practices differently?
If you have time, you can journal any reflections or insights you had.
Our body has a way of sharing with us how we’re feeling but we don’t always pay attention. Sometimes the messages are subtle—tightness in your chest or throat— and sometimes they scream at us—anxiety, nausea, or panic.
With practice, body awareness can help you discern where and with whom you can be your most authentic self. Body awareness also helps you identify those experiences that are no longer aligned with you and your heart.
An amazing thing happened when I began to honor my sensitive needs. I was able to hold stronger boundaries, I attracted more aligned relationships without having to work too hard at it, and opportunities that suited my needs appeared.
I was able to disengage and create a healthy distance from the people and experiences that no longer served me and my sensitivity.
It was as if I was now emanating compassion, connection, and kindness from within. And the new experiences and people and who held those same qualities found me.
Everyone in your Circle probably won’t be highly sensitive, but as you lean into what you need, and find time to reset, you’ll feel less exhausted and overwhelmed even in situations that aren’t optimal for you.
If you’d like more support, connection and a community of women who hold your sensitivities with care, compassion and understanding, we’re here.
