worry

11 Subtle Signs That You Might Be Anxious

Insomnia can be a sign of underlying anxiety

Insomnia can be a sign of underlying anxiety

Anxiety doesn’t look the same for everyone. It’s not always obvious. Anxiety can have subtle influences on your thoughts, behaviors and feelings. It shows up in different ways for different people.

The way you were raised, the experiences you’ve had in your lifetime, and your biology/genetics can all affect how you experience anxiety. Those factors can determine when you are likely to feel anxious, what you feel like when you’re anxious and how you respond to situations and things that make you feel anxious. That’s because anxiety is often triggered by an emotional memory that is stored both in the brain and in the body.

Here are a few traits and behaviors that might mean you’re anxious:

  1. Procrastination. If you constantly put things off because it feels uncomfortable to move forward, or you worry that you won’t be able to do something “right,” you might be anxious. If you find that you procrastinate a lot, putting things off might be a sign that you have anxiety about your abilities or about being judged by others.

  2. Perfectionism. Perfectionism and procrastination sometimes go hand in hand. You want things done perfectly. If you don’t think that will happen, you procrastinate. In reality, sometimes perfectionism leads to over-doing and over-thinking. Giving 110 percent to everything in your life might really be a sign of your anxiety working overtime. Part of you believes that avoiding mistakes, being perfect, going above and beyond in all areas of your life will keep you from feeling uncomfortable. Unfortunately, it often leads to exhaustion and burn-out. 

  3. Phobias of any kind. You might be afraid to cross bridges in a car, afraid of spiders or flying insects, or afraid of flying. No matter what you’re fearful of, if it gets in the way of daily activities, it’s probably due to your anxiety about the unexpected the unknown and the unpredictable.

  4. Fear of new situations. Do you avoid going places you’ve never been or being with people you’ve never met? It might be that your anxiety is making it hard to be in new situations because there are so many unknowns and things you can’t control.

  5. Indecision. Is it hard for you to make seemingly small choices? Do I exercise or not? Should I have the chicken or fish? Do I walk or drive? Sometimes small things can be very difficult to decide when you’re anxious. You feel stuck in the middle, unable to move toward either choice.

  6. Irritability. When anxiety starts to bubble up, it can leave you feeling uncomfortable. That discomfort can make you very irritable, especially if you’re trying to control uncontrollable situations. You might snap at your partner, friends or children for no reason at all, except that you’re anxious.

  7. Extreme distress when things don’t go as planned. Trying to control people, places and things is a hallmark behavior of an anxious person. You might think, “If I can keep everything under control, then I’ll feel calm.” But life is uncontrollable, so it’s a losing battle. The fight for control usually leads to more anxiety, because so little is really within your control.

  8. Insomnia. If you find that on many nights you lie tossing and turning, or just lie in bed awake, it might be due to anxiety. Anxiety can make it hard to turn off your mind and relax your body enough to fall asleep.

  9. Worrying all the time. We all worry sometimes, but if you find you worry all the time — and maybe worry about how much you’re worrying — you probably have some underlying anxiety.

  10. Assuming the worst. Worrying and assuming the worst are often partners in crime. If you find that you’re always thinking about all of the worst possible outcomes, and you tell yourself you just want to be prepared for what might happen, there’s usually some anxiety there below the surface. The problem is, we can’t control what might or might not happen. All that worrying about bad things just makes you more anxious.

  11. Frequent stomachaches or headaches. Anxiety has both emotional and physical symptoms. Frequent stomachaches, headaches, chest tightening, difficulty swallowing, feeling flushed and increased heart rate are a few of the physical symptoms of anxiety. If you’re experiencing one or more of these symptoms pretty regularly, and you’ve seen your doctor to rule out any health issues, you might be experiencing some anxiety.

Anxiety can take a toll on our daily life and our physical and emotional health. You don’t have to struggle with this alone. Know that others struggle, too, and that you can get help. Therapy, mindfulness practices, meditation and medication can help you better manage the anxiety so you can live your life with more ease and contentment.

On the Woman Worriers podcast this week:

If you’re anxious, does that mean you’re an introvert? Does being an introvert means you’re shy? In this episode of Woman Worriers, I talk with Nicole Burgess—a marriage and family therapist and life coach, an empowerment mentor for introverted women, and an introvert herself— clear up many myths and misperceptions about introversion. They also talk about how introverted women can come to find and embrace their unique strengths and find the quiet groundedness they crave.


 Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger,  creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress call me 410-339-1979. 

 

 

Easing Your Anxiety When You’re Worried About A Loved One

I guest posted for Sharon Martin's blog Happily Imperfect on Psych Central. Here's her introduction followed by my post"
 

Have you spent a sleepless night worrying about a loved one? Perhaps it was your teenager who was out past curfew or your spouse who didn’t manage her diabetes. Feeling anxious in such a  situation is understandable. It’s scary to feel like things are out of your control and possibly heading for disaster.

When you have a loved one who is making “bad” decisions, worry can take over your life if you don’t know how to keep it in check. My colleague, Elizabeth Cush, an expert in treating anxiety, wrote this week’s blog post to support those of you who are experiencing worry and anxiety about a loved one.


Easing Your Anxiety When You’re Worried About A Loved One
by Elizabeth Cush, LCPC

woman worrying.jpg

It’s really hard to watch someone make bad or harmful choices or to see a loved one make decisions you wouldn’t have made given the same circumstances. Maybe you worry because:

  • They drink or smoke too much
  • They can’t control their anger
  • They quit their job
  • They hang out with “the wrong” people
  • They gamble
  • They don’t pay their bills

I know that as a mother, wife, and friend, I have had times when one or more of the people in my life did things that made me feel worried, angry, or hurt (and sometimes all three). It was hard not to get consumed by the worry. So, how do you stop worrying and quiet your mind when you’re concerned about a loved one but powerless to get him or her to change or make better decisions?

Anxiety shows up when we can’t control things

Relationships can create the perfect storm of emotional ups and downs, bringing with them waves of anxiety. We want the people in our lives to be happy. We don’t want them to struggle, to feel pain, or to cause pain and suffering, but we really can’t control a lot of what others do. That can bring on a lot of anxious feelings.

If you experience anxiety, this lack of control can make your anxiety worse. You might believe that if you could just control this thing — whether it’s someone else’s behaviors, life events, or future outcomes — then you would feel better. You stay awake worrying about what needs to be different, what needs to change, and how to make that happen. You get stuck in the “what ifs,” or “if onlys.” But the reality is that you can’t control many of the things going on around you. I might even venture to say you can’t control MOST things!

The need for control increases anxiety

My clients sometimes say, “if only my loved one wouldn’t __________ (you fill in the blanks). It’s ruining everything. I’ve told them time and again that they need to stop. I can’t sleep at night because I worry about what will happen.”

Worrying increases stress and it doesn’t create change or stop bad things from happening; it only makes you more stressed. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t worry about the people you love. I am saying is that the worry won’t make it better, and sometimes it makes you so stressed that it becomes hard to do anything else.

How to ease your anxiety when worries take over

So how do you ease the anxiety that arises when the people in your life aren’t cooperating? Here are seven steps to get you started:

  1. Take three slow deep breaths.
  2. Be curious about the part of you that wants to be able to control the behaviors of others. Maybe you say to yourself, “There’s a part of me that wants to keep things under control. I wonder what that part is afraid of?”
  3. Remind yourself that your anxiety is prompted by your fears about the future and of not being in control.
  4. Gently remind yourself that you can voice your concerns or opinions, but it’s up to others to make changes. A gentle reminder to yourself might be, “I can’t control what others choose to do or not do. I can only tell them how their behavior affects me and how I feel.”
  5. If the people in your life don’t change, be mindful that this might cause you distress. You might feel anxious or scared. You might say out loud,  “I’m so afraid because __________ isn’t changing. It makes me feel powerless and I worry about what might happen if they don’t change.”
  6. If someone’s behavior hurts you or puts you at risk, it’s important to create healthy boundaries or choose to spend time away from that person. If you’re not comfortable doing this, you might need to practice or get some support.
  7. Offer yourself some compassion. You might still feel worried about the people in your life. Saying to yourself, “This is really hard for me right now. I care about them, and I care about how they’re affecting me” creates a space where you can feel compassionate toward them and toward yourself.

Wanting the best for others is human. We want the people we love to make healthy choices, but that doesn’t always happen. If you need support and someone to help you work through the difficulty, seeing a therapist can provide a safe, non-judgmental space where you can share your feelings.


Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger,  creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md. She helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress call me 410-339-1979. 

Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash

Strategies For Dealing With Anxiety And Worry

Worrying and feeling anxious is normal; it’s how you assess and respond to potentially dangerous situations. But sometimes worry can take over your life. When that happens, you might need some strategies to help you let go of the worry and manage the anxiety.

5 Ways To Recognize That Worry And Anxiety Could Be Ruling Your Life

  1. Worrying keeps you from falling asleep or staying asleep most nights.
  2. It feels like your mind is always “on.”
  3. You rehash your conversations, actions or behaviors over and over again, wondering how you might have done things differently.
  4. When things don’t go as planned, you get frustrated, angry or scared.
  5. You’re irritable a lot of the time.
not sleeping.jpg

All the worrying can make it hard to sleep well, and anxiety can cause headaches and stomachaches. Sometimes stress can be so intense that it can make it hard to swallow or eat because of the tightness in your throat or feelings of nausea.

If left unattended, all the stress and worrying can lead to an anxiety or panic attack. You might feel light headed. Your chest might feel constricted, and your breathing becomes shallow and fast. You might begin to sweat, see stars and feel like you’re going to faint. You might even worry that you’re having a heart attack.

Counseling For Anxiety

Often the worries and anxiety stem from things beyond our control, and the desire to control the uncontrollable fuels the stress.

Through counseling you begin to understand that your need for control might be rooted in a childhood that was filled with uncertainty or upheaval. Maybe you were left in charge of your siblings at a young age, or you were the moderator in your parent’s arguments. Counseling can help you understand how your childhood could have affected you as an adult.

Counseling can also help you understand that the constant worrying is a form of anxiety, and that all the worrying can have an impact on your mental and physical health. Through therapy, you can explore strategies to help you more easily accept the natural ups and downs of life, allowing you to let go of the need to control everything.

5 Strategies To Help You Let Go

woman with dandelion.jpg
  1. Practice daily mindfulness. Mindfulness means paying closer attention to what is happening right now, with openness and compassion. It keeps you attuned to the here-and-now instead of worrying about past and future events. You can read more about practicing mindfulness and self-compassion here.
  2. Exercise regularly. Exercise releases the body’s natural “happiness” chemicals and hormones. It can also help you sleep better.
  3. Practice healthy sleep habits. A good night’s sleep can take the edge off, make you less irritable and activate your body’s immune system. The American Sleep Association has some great tips on how to promote good sleep habits here.
  4. Do yoga, get acupuncture or meditate. These alternative practices can help you relax your body and calm your mind.
  5. Get support. Talk to friends, family or a counselor. People often feel alone in their struggles. Sharing your experience can help you feel more connected and supported.

If you'd like more strategies on managing anxiety in the moment you can check out my podcast episode dedicated to anxiety here.

Achieving Emotional Balance

Through counseling and some lifestyle changes, you can live a more emotionally balanced life. If you would like to live your life with more balance, please email me or call me at Progression Counseling in Annapolis at 310-339-1979, for a free 15-minute consultation.

This week on the Woman Worriers I interview Dr. Jonice Webb where we explore why feelings of anxiety, emptiness and disconnect often have roots deep in seemingly happy childhoods. 


Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger,  host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md. She helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress call me 410-339-1979. 

Photo by Kinga Cichewicz & Nine Köpfer on Unsplash

 

 

Signs Of And Strategies For Dealing With Worry

Worrying is normal; it’s how we assess for potentially dangerous situations. But sometimes worry can take over your life, and leave you feeling overwhelmed. When that happens, you might need some strategies to let go of the worry.

Always Worrying

You might see yourself in this story because this could be many of my clients that I’ve worked with in my Annapolis counseling practice who have struggled with worry, stress and feeling overwhelmed.

Worrying can leave you exhausted and feeling overwhelmed.

Worrying can leave you exhausted and feeling overwhelmed.

Francie was always busy. She took care of her home and her family, she worked part time, she volunteered at her kid’s school, and she was always the first one to offer to help out her friends. From the outside Francie appeared to have it all together, but what most people didn’t know was that Francie worried all the time.

She had twin girls and entering middle school, and she worried about them out in the world. She worried about her husband driving to Baltimore County on the beltway each day. She worried about her parents, who might be getting divorced. She worried about her sister, who seemed to like to have a little too much fun. She worried when her house wasn’t clean, or the laundry didn’t get done. She worried when everyone in her family wasn’t happy, and worried when she couldn’t make everything better. She worried that maybe she wasn’t a good enough mother, wife and friend. She worried about worrying too much.

We all worry. It’s part of being human, and worry can serve us well because we are ready for danger when and if it comes. But for some people, like Francie, worrying can take over their thoughts, leave them feeling overwhelmed, and they lose the joy and ease in their lives.

5 Ways To Recognize That Worrying Could Be Ruling Your Life

  1. Worrying keeps you from falling asleep or staying asleep most nights.
  2. It feels like your mind is always “on.”
  3. You rehash conversations, your actions or behaviors over and over again, wondering how you might have done things differently.
  4. When things don’t go as planned you get frustrated, angry or scared.
  5. You’re irritable a lot of the time.

All the worrying made it hard for Francie to sleep well. Some nights she fell asleep at 3 a.m., only to wake again at 6 a.m. Her friends and family didn’t know that she worried so much, that she often had trouble concentrating at work, and felt unfocused much of the time. She got frequent headaches and stomachaches. Sometimes she couldn’t swallow food because of the tightness in her throat.

Recently, Francie had an anxiety attack while working at her daughters’ school. She was light headed. Her chest felt constricted, and she could only take shallow breaths. She began to sweat, she saw stars, and she thought she was going to faint. This was the first time her friends knew she was struggling. She was mortified that they had witnessed her in such a vulnerable state. The feeling of losing control prompted Francie to seek therapy.

Counseling For Anxiety

Through counseling, Francie began to understand that her need for control stemmed from her learning at a young age that being in control kept the peace, and it also kept her safe. Over time, Francie revealed that her father had been an alcoholic. Francie had to take care of her younger siblings when her mother was at work. If Francie didn’t keep them under control, her father would yell at her and then at her mom when she got home. This made her mom really sad, and Francie felt she was to blame. When she was able to keep her siblings under control, things were less stressful, and she felt safer.

Counseling also helped Francie understand that her constant worrying was anxiety, and staying busy was her way of controlling it. If she was always doing something, she had little time to think about her worries, and so she filled her days with work, activities and chores.

We discussed the impact that all her worrying was having on her mental and physical health. We talked about why being in control was so important to her, and how hard it was to control everything in life.  Together we came up with some strategies to help her more easily accept the natural ups and downs of life, which allowed her to let go of her need to control everything.

5 Strategies To Help You Let Go

Practicing mindfulness can help ease worry

Practicing mindfulness can help ease worry

  1. Practice daily mindfulness. Mindfulness means paying closer attention to what is happening right now, with openness and compassion. It keeps you attuned to the here-and-now instead of worrying about past and future events. You can read more about practicing mindfulness and self-compassion.
  2. Exercise regularly. Exercise releases the body’s natural “happiness” chemicals and hormones. It can also help you sleep better.
  3. Practice healthy sleep habits. A good night’s sleep can take the edge off, make you less irritable and activate your body’s immune system.  The American Sleep Association has some great tips on how to promote good sleep habits here.
  4. Do yoga, get acupuncture or meditate. These alternative practices can help you relax your body and calm your mind.
  5. Get support. Talk to friends, family or a counselor. People often feel alone in their struggles. Sharing your experience can help you feel more connected and supported.

Achieving Emotional Balance

Through counseling and some lifestyle changes, Francie has been able to live a more emotionally balanced life. If you would like to live your life with more balance please call or email Progression Counseling for a free 15-minute consultation.


Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md. She helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress call me 410-340-8469.